


We Only Live Broken

by metalmanvld



Category: Megadeth, Metallica
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bands, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, present day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-07 04:57:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4250208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metalmanvld/pseuds/metalmanvld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Mustaine is...different, to say the least. Ever since he was kicked from Metallica, he hasn't been the same. Sure, he had Megadeth, but they were only created to fill the hole made by his former best friends abandoning him.</p><p>By chance, Dave runs into his old bandmates one day, and they get to catching up. But James notices that Dave is hiding something, something he refuses to disclose...until it may be too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Written a few months ago and originally posted on rockfic.

Dave's POV

How long has it been? Fuck me, why am I even asking this when I already know the answer? I know exactly how long it's been.

Too long.

Too long since I've actually felt true happiness. Too long since I've shared the stage with my best friends, rocking out and bathing in the screams of the crowd. Too long since James and I have looked over at each other, hair flowing as we headbanged, adrenaline rushing through our young bodies...and simply smiled.

Too long since I was exiled from Metallica.

Don't get me wrong, I was kicked for a good reason: my obvious drug problem. I knew it was wrong at the time, but I just couldn't seem to get my shit together. Of course, I was clean now, but it had been so long since I was in Metallica...I couldn't go back.

Besides, I had Megadeth. The band I had started _because_ I was kicked from Metallica. We were great, but...we weren't them. I didn't get the same feeling, the same rush that I had felt before when I performed with Megadeth. Something just didn't feel right.

And it had been like that the whole time. Ever since I had been dropped from the band, I haven't been the same. Sure, I had Megadeth, but everything I felt with Metallica was completely gone now. I could have fun, I could laugh, I could do stupid shit just like before, but it was just...wrong.

It's something I run over in my head quite a lot. Everywhere I go, when other things aren't on my mind, I'm always thinking about what could have been. I know, I should get over it, as it was more than thirty years ago, but it's not something you can just forget.

"Do you really need more coffee, Lars? I mean, do you _really_?" an all-too familiar voice asked, and my head shot up from the table in shock. No, it can't be...not here, not now...

My greatest fear was confirmed when I saw my four ex-bandmates casually stroll into the coffee shop, and I scooted closer to the window, hoping they wouldn't see me. Just what I needed. The friends I can't get off my mind walking in as I try to relax here.

To be fair, we _did_ live in the same town, but why did they have to choose _here_ to have coffee and chill? It's just like we used to do, before---

"Hey, is that Dave?" Kirk called, earning surprised looks from the rest of the band as they noticed me as well.

Seriously? Could my day get any worse? Just don't come over here, oh fuck, _don't come over---_

Goddammit.

"Hey, man!" Lars shouted excitedly, reaching towards me. I instinctively flinched away, causing his cheery expression to fall a bit. "Um...okay...nice to see you too..."

"So, how are things going?" Rob questioned, but I still didn't respond. I couldn't find the right words, I couldn't think of what I could possibly---

"Uh...hey, dude, are you okay?" Kirk inquired, and I finally averted my gaze to look at him.

"It's just...ah..." I attempt to say, and my words trail off as they all gather around, James and Lars sitting across from me whilst Rob and Kirk pull up chairs.

I noticed that James hadn't said anything, and he's instead giving me a look I can't quite decipher. Something between concern and confusion.

"I get it." Lars finally said, laughing a bit. "This is a bit awkward. It's been...what? Twenty years?"

I nodded, resisting the urge to correct him. It's been much longer than that; I should know, I think about it all the time. Still, I can't think of anything to say, and my silence seemingly spreads to them, as their surprised expressions shift to awkward ones.

"So...you still want that coffee, right, Lars?" Kirk asked, breaking the tension. He gave a look to James, which could only mean that he wanted us to talk alone. Lars nodded eagerly, and the trio took off, leaving James and me sitting in silence across from each other.

"Well, Dave..." James began, looking me over with a small smile. "You look exactly the same."

I snickered, now giving him a glance over and noticing how much he's changed. His long blonde curls are gone, he's in a casual t-shirt instead of a band tanktop, and he just overall looks...tougher, I guess. Nothing like the young man I used to know before.

"And you look...like a biker." I replied and he smirked. "You've changed. A lot."

"Yeah, um...we all have." he told me and I stared at the ground once more. His expression suddenly turned to a serious one as he reached forward, and I backed away again. He softened a bit as he gently grabbed my arm, and I winced. "Seriously, Dave, what's going on? You're...different."

"Nothing." I said quickly, subtly freeing myself from his grasp. "It's just...weird to see you after so long."

"Well...alright." he muttered, but I could tell he didn't buy that excuse. We fell into a tense silence once more as he stared down at the table, and I gazed longingly out the window. However, in a moment, my downcast expression turned to terror as I noticed my bandmates walking up to the coffee shop.

What was I thinking? I knew they would be here soon; I had told them before I came here to meet me in a few minutes, and here I was, talking to my ex-bandmates. James noticed my face contort to fear and gave me a concerned look.

"What?" he asked. "It's your band, right?"

I could only nod as they made their way in, laughing as they talked amongst themselves. To anyone else, it would seem like they were just a group of friends, but I knew them better than what they appeared to be. 

"Hey, Dave, who's this?" Shawn asks as they seat themselves beside me. I noticed Chris directing a look of death towards James, and David directing a hateful look at me.

"You know my old band, right?" I said cautiously, not wanting anything to start.

"Yeah, I thought you guys were broken up." David remarked.

"We are." I confirmed as fast as he had said it. "I was here waiting for you guys, and they just showed up. They recognized me, and...we got to talking. Just catching up, nothing major."

"Better not." Chris muttered under his breath, so that only I could hear. I felt a chill rush through me from the look he gave me, and stood up, stepping away from the table.

"Well, this is only gonna get more awkward, so...I'd better go." I stated as James gave a somewhat saddened look.

"Well...alright..." James said, and I quickly made my way away from the restaurant, my bandmates following.

"That wasn't awkward." Shawn remarked, and the others laughed. Sure, they were going to be nice for a while, but I knew how they really were. I knew these people better than anyone; I knew exactly what they would do when we got home.

And honestly, since it had been going on for so long...I didn't even feel anything anymore.

LATER

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" Chris screamed, roughly shoving me against the wall. "I thought you knew from the last time you talked to them! Fucking collaborating with _them_..."

"We were just talking." I put in gently, attempting to diffuse the situation. "I was waiting for you guys, and they walked in. We were just catching up. You know I'd never betray you guys."

"You better fucking know that!" Shawn countered. I tried to get away, to stop this before it went too far, but that tactic obviously wasn't going to work.

 _SMACK!_ David hits me in the face, and I fall to the ground. I know that fighting them would only make this worse, so I just laid there and take their screams and violent words. I felt Shawn savagely kick me in the chest a few times before the three of them stormed off, leaving me sprawled across the carpet. 

When I was sure they were gone, I slowly picked myself up, running to my room and locking myself in. I made my way to the bathroom, noticing my cheek already beginning to swell up, and I lifted my shirt to see fresh red marks amongst the purple bruises already there.

If it was ten years ago, I would have probably already been a sobbing mess on the floor, begging to know why the people I thought were my best friends had to do this. But now...since it had been going on for so long...

I was completely numb to the abuse given to me by my bandmates.


	2. Chapter Two

_"Hey, uh...Dave?" James called, and I turned to see him standing in my doorway, a serious look on his face. "Can we...talk, seriously?"_

_"About what?" I asked, setting my guitar to the side, though I already knew what was coming. He was going to take me down to the living room, where the whole band was going to hold an intervention. It was a common occurrence, but for some reason, I just couldn't get it together._

_Something I'd regret many years later._

_"Just...come downstairs." he stated, and at that, left the room without a word._

_I sighed, standing up and making my way downstairs, where, just as I had guessed it, the entire band was gathered. Lars and Ron were sitting on the couch, staring at me with sullen expressions, whilst James was simply standing in the center of the room. He motioned me over and I moved to stand in front of him._

_"I know, I know, we've been over this before." I remarked. "I need to get my shit together because it's hurting the band. I know, and I've tried. It's just---"_

_"No, it's not that." James began and I stopped. His expression was one of deep sadness, while mine was one of confusion. What could he want to talk about now? "Listen, Dave...we have talked about this, but...it's just getting out of hand. We...we can't have you here anymore."_

_Up until that moment, I had never felt pain like that. It felt as though my entire body was being ripped apart and left in pieces across the floor. My chest tightened and I was suddenly finding it difficult to breathe. James reached toward me, a look of defeat written on his face, but I backed away, running off to my room._

_I slammed the door shut and slid to the floor, my head in my hands. I ran my hands through my wild mane of red curls as I felt my eyes begin to water. My throat tightened as I hugged my knees to my chest, burying my face in my arms and finally letting the tears stream down my face._

_I jumped up, sobbing as I roughly threw open my drawers, yanking all of my clothes out and throwing them to the floor. Grabbing a suitcase from the closet, I stuffed the shirts and other articles of clothing inside before collapsing to the floor again, screaming into the carpet._

_How could they do this to me? We were supposed to be huge, all of us, together! We were supposed to make it....we were---_

"Goddammit, Chris!" Shawn screamed, and my eyes shot open as I heard the unmistakeable sound of glass shattering. I sighed, burying my face in the pillow as I listened to the familiar yells of my bandmates fighting. It was a common occurrence around here; even this early in the morning.

Several things were common around here. For one, the screams of my band arguing about who knows what at some ungodly hour was a daily thing, as well as the dream I had been having prior to their yelling match. It was a dream I had had ever since I was exiled from Metallica, and, while I used to wake up sobbing into my pillow, I had been gone for so long that I was numb to all regret.

"Well fuck you, Shawn!" Chris shouted. "Seriously, if we weren't so goddamn relied upon by the fucking metal community, I'd quit the band and then fucking murder you!"

"Yeah right!" Shawn countered, and I slowly rose from my bed to walk to the bathroom. "You wouldn't be able to even hit me! You're so fucking weak it's not funny!"

"No, I'm not a fucking pussy like Dave!" Chris hollered, and I stared at the ground as I listened to them rip me apart, even though they weren't talking to me directly. 

"Yeah, but you're a fuck-up like Dave!" Shawn bellowed and I sighed again, flicking on the lights to examine myself in the mirror. The cheek David had punched yesterday was puffy and bruised, and it was obvious that someone had hit me. Hopefully, if I were to go out, no one would realize this.

"DAVE!" Chris yelled. "Get the fuck down here!"

I sighed yet again, quickly preparing for the day and getting dressed before cautiously making my way downstairs. Noticing that both parties were massively hungover, I made sure not to provoke them as I moved to stand beside Chris.

"This idiot is breaking everything!" Chris accused, pointing at Shawn, much like a child telling on a sibling. 

"I am not fucking breaking anything!" Shawn snapped, slamming a glass down on the table, shattering it on impact. "It's you who's making me act out like this! For fuck's sake, Chris, if you didn't fucking exist, or if you were fucking dead, the world would be so much better!"

"Look, how about I go to the store and get some stuff?" I suggested quietly, taking a couple steps back as they affixed me with cold stares.

"You see any fans..." Chris began, pointing to my bruised cheek. "Tell 'em...tell 'em you fell off stage at rehearsal, like the goddamn fuck-up you are..."

"Right." I said. "I fell off stage while we were rehearsing."

"Why?" Chris pressed on. I stared at the floor. 

"'Cause I'm a fuck-up." I muttered and he nodded. 

"That's right." he grunted, pushing me towards the door. "Now get out of here. I can't stand your fucking face sometimes."

Without a word, I grabbed my keys before leaving the house, just as Chris and Shawn began to scream at each other once more. As soon as I reached my car, I slid into the seat and started it up, deciding against turning on the radio. Somehow, the universe hated me, and every time I would switch to the rock station, (the only one I listen to) they would be playing some Metallica song.

I gently ran a hand over my bruised cheek, wincing at how swollen it was. This was everything the fans didn't know: that everyone in the band basically hated each other and would abuse me when they couldn't deal with their anger. Nobody needed to know, since we were so successful, and it wasn't something I was about to throw away, no matter how bad things got.

It didn't start out like this, though. In the beginning, we were all friends, but, somewhere along the line...the fame seemingly got to everyone, and...

I shook my head. Now is not the time to reminisce, especially when my furious bandmates were at home screaming at each other. We needed to stock up on supplies from the store, another reason I went out.

The main reason is...pretty obvious, actually.

xxxxx

"Dave?" an all-too familiar voice called, and I looked to its origin with alarm. As quickly as I could, I backed into the aisle I was standing at the edge of, but it was too late. He had seen me.

"Dave, what's wrong?" James asked gently, and I flinched as he took my arm and looked me over. His eyes flickered to my bruised cheek and a look of shock came across his face. "What happened?"

"I fell off the stage at rehearsal." I told him, remembering the lie Chris had put together. James nodded, but I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't believe my words.

"Listen, Dave, if something is go---" he began, but I stopped him.

"Nothing is going on." I put in. "What would be? That we're practicing for the tour coming up?"

"In the time you spent with us, you never fell off stage." he pointed out.

"That was then, this is now." I countered. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that this doesn't look like it would be caused by a stage fall." James stated, gently running his fingers over the bruise. "It looks like someone hit---"

"Okay, I'm done." I muttered, backing away from him, but he grabbed my arm before I could go, causing me to pull away from him with my arms over my face.

"Dave..." James started, and I gave him a look filled with silent begging.

"Please go..." I whispered, staring at the ground and willing him to just leave me alone. He nodded, gently patting my shoulder before turning and exiting the aisle.

"If you need to tell me anything..." he added, but I shook my head, and he nodded again, leaving for good this time.

I sighed when I was sure that he was truly gone. He was getting suspicious, probably connecting the bruise on my face to the looks of fear I was giving my band yesterday. If he knew what was really going on, he wasn't showing it, which further stressed me out.

At least I hadn't come here with the rest of the band. They wouldn't have even let James come near me, and, in a way, I felt like I was defying them by speaking with him.

But what they don't know won't hurt them...or me.


	3. Chapter Three

_"I can't believe you!" Shawn screamed. I threw my hands up and gave him a glare._

_"What?! So now I'm not allowed to be friends with my ex-bandmates?!" I countered._

_"I just...why did you have to fucking collaborate with THEM?!" Chris demanded, running his hands through his hair._

_"Why do you have to be so fucking possessive?!" I hollered back. This is what happened every time I collaborated with another band; my own bandmates would flip their shit and demand to know what I was thinking. However, as I had worked with Metallica this time, the shit had hit the fan._

_"We just want you to accept your new band." David put in, thankfully being the rational one here._

_"I do accept you guys!" I shouted. "I just have issues with that, okay?! I was kicked out of my band, who are now becoming huge, while they completely forgot me! I collaborated with them because they let me! Do you know how long I've waited for this?! Seriously, you all need to calm the fuck down when I talk to someone who's not in Megadeth and quit being so goddamn controlling!!"_

_Without warning, I suddenly felt a sharp pain across my face, and fell to the floor, only to look up and see Shawn with a look of absolute fury in his eyes. He looked as though he was about to kill someone, with a single fist raised and pure hate etched on his face._

_"What the fuck, man?!" David shouted, shoving Shawn aside. Shawn, seemingly realizing what he had done, looked shocked upon seeing me lying upon the floor, and his face turned to regret._

_Chris held out a hand and I took it gratefully, standing up and backing away from Shawn, who seemed like he was honestly sorry. However, I wasn't taking any chances after the events that had just transpired. I knew that I would never forget the hatred in his eyes when he had struck me. It was like he had been possessed._

_It was the first time anyone from a band had acted violently against me._

_But it definitely wasn't the last._

"DAVE!" Shawn screamed, snapping me from my flashback. I sighed, slowly making my way downstairs, only to see Shawn pacing about the room, holding some paper. As soon as he saw me, he charged towards me, grabbing me by the hair. I winced as he threw me down the rest of the stairs, and I covered my face as he roughly kicked me in the side.

"Do you have a fucking explanation for _this?!_ " he hissed, throwing the paper he was holding down to the floor. Grabbing it quickly, I noticed that it was a tour schedule, for the tour we were planning in a month. I didn't notice what could have gotten Shawn so angry until I noticed the headline of the paper: _Metalheads Unite! \m/ 2014 With headlining acts Megadeth, Metallica, Black Sabbath..._

I didn't need to read on further to understand.

"I don't organize these!" I protested as Shawn grabbed my arm, shoving me against the wall. 

"You didn't think to fucking check who they already had before you fucking accepted to perform there?!" Shawn seethed, backhanding me hard across the face. I knew I shouldn't just stand there and take it, but, truth be told, I had known that Metallica would be playing this tour.

I had willingly betrayed the guys...again.

"You fucking knew, didn't you?!" Shawn hollered, throwing me to the floor and kicking me in the side once again. "You knew they would be playing this tour, and that's why you fucking accepted, didn't you?!"

"I didn't." I told him, even though it was a lie he obviously wouldn't believe. I was pretty good at lying, however, as I had been doing it for over ten years now.

"Bullshit." Shawn muttered, now opting to pace about, running his hands through his hair. 

I slowly picked myself up off the floor, cautiously making my way up the stairs as Shawn ranted to no one, punching yet another hole in the wall. It was something he did if I wasn't there to satisfy his rage, or if beating me just wasn't good enough.

As soon as I reached my room, I locked the door, running to the bathroom and sliding down the wall. I sighed, pulling my knees to my chest and laying my head on my arms. I felt blood run down my cheek, and reached to my face, only to notice a new cut on my forehead, courtesy of Shawn throwing me down the stairs.

With a heavy sigh, I rose to my feet, looking into the mirror to inspect the damage done. Luckily, he hadn't attacked my face much, which is what he and the others normally did. They wouldn't want to hit me somewhere people would see...

When I was done cleaning up, and was now staring into my dull green eyes, I was snapped from my thoughts by my phone ringing. Taking it out of my pocket, my eyes widened as I noticed the name on the called ID.

" _Jaymz ;3_ "

I felt panic rise in me as it continued to ring, as I knew that my bandmates would lose it if they knew I still had his number. I sighed yet again, locking the bathroom door and slipping into the shower, trying to get as far from the door as possible and make sure no one would hear me.

"....James?" I asked finally, sliding to the floor once more.

"Dave." he stated, sounding as though he was relieved that I had picked up.

"Why are you calling?" I questioned.

"Well, I got the letter about the _Metalheads Unite_ tour, saw your name, and remembered yesterday." he explained. 

"I told you that nothing is going on." I put in, but I knew he didn't believe me. After seeing me look at my bandmates with fear, and the next day with a bruise on my face, it was only a matter of time before he knew the truth.

"I know there is." he pressed.

"What do you think is going on?" I countered.

"It just seems..." he began. "Maybe...your band isn't...you know, treating you right, and---"

"Okay, this is getting ridiculous." I muttered. "What are you saying?"

"Dammit Dave, just let down your walls!" James shouted and I sighed. "You know, even if we haven't talked for a long time, I still care."

"Then why did you aband-on me?" My voice broke and I mentally cursed myself. I refused to cry, ever, especially in front of anyone. 

Especially when James could hear.

"Dave...talk to me." he said desperately. 

"There's nothing to say." I told him, fighting the urge to break down and spill everything. My mind was screaming _Lies! Just tell him the truth!_ but I knew I couldn't. The others would kill me.

And it wasn't an exaggeration. Even though they'd threatened it over the past few years, and never done any life-threatening damage to me, I knew they weren't above beating me like that.

"First day of the tour, we need to talk." he concluded, and with that, he hung up and I was left in the silence of the bathroom.

I sighed, burying my face in my hands as I attempted to compose myself. I hadn't cried in over ten years, and I didn't plan to break that streak now over something as trivial as talking to James.

After all, crying was a sign of weakness, and I couldn't be weak when I had these walls to hold up.

But sooner or later, all walls come crashing down.


	4. Chapter Four

I sighed, glancing over myself in the mirror. I looked awful, with bruises and cuts all over my face, but that wasn't what mattered. What mattered most is what James would say when he inevitably found me later today. He was already suspicious and wanted to talk, so if he saw me like this, all the pieces would probably come together, and he would know the truth.

I gently ran a hand over my left cheek, where a bruise in the shape of a handprint was quickly forming. With all my injuries, it kind of looked like I had been jumped, which is what I'd say if anyone asked.

It wasn't completely a lie, either.

But it wasn't the complete truth as well.

Still, James or anyone else hadn't found out what was going on yet. The guys and I left for tour today, and the second we saw our tour bus, the fans freaked out and came rushing towards us. Of course, we escaped, but several of them had gotten pictures of me, which were already blowing up the internet with questions and rumors.

I had no idea how, or if, I could keep hiding from James. I had only been at this venue for an hour, and some of the other bands hadn't even shown up, but he had been calling me since I first showed up.

It didn't help that their bus was "coincidentally" parked next to ours, either.

I sighed, finally pulling my phone out of my pocket as it began ringing yet again. There was nowhere to hide and make sure my bandmates wouldn't hear the conversation, as the bus bathroom wasn't that big. Still, I slid down the wall as far from the door as possible and answered it, trying to remain as quiet as possible.

"What is it?" I whispered. "I'm working on something."

"Finally." James muttered. "I told you that we needed to talk."

"I'm busy." I lied. "We're working on a new song."

"I don't hear you guys playing or anything." he remarked, and I rolled my eyes at the smirk in his voice.

"That's because I told them to stop so that I could answer _you_." I told him.

"Dave, I just..." he began. "You know I still care, right?"

"Yes." I stated, sighing and running a hand through my hair. "You don't think my band is 'treating me right' for some reason, I know, we've been over it before."

"I saw the pictures that the fans posted." he said suddenly. "You look like someone beat you up."

"James, I'm fine." I put in, remembering the lie I had put together. "I just got jumped a couple days ago. Some meatheads that like Metallica better beat me up, but they got caught. I'm fine."

"DAVE!" Shawn screamed, pounding on the door. "Who the fuck are you talking to?!"

"I'm talking to Tom!" I shouted back, and I heard him mutter something under his breath before making his way back to what he was doing before.

"Why'd you lie?" James asked.

"They don't like when I talk to you." I said without thinking, and my eyes widened as I quickly realized my mistake. "Shit. I mean...they...ah, they don't...I mean, you wouldn't want your girlfriend talking to her ex, would you? It's like that, you know?"

"....Tonight, at the 'start of tour party', we're talking." he added after several seconds before hanging up, leaving me in silence once again. I sighed, stuffing my phone back in my pocket before standing up, staring into the mirror once more before making my way out of the bathroom.

I knew I couldn't avoid James forever. I knew that even if I didn't go to the party tonight, he would find me somewhere and get me to talk.

Maybe I would talk to him tonight.

None of it would be the truth, however.

xxxxx

THAT NIGHT

I stood at the other side of the courtyard, faint metal music playing in the distance. I felt like the kid at prom that didn't have a date, standing as far from the party as he could. 

I slowly made my way along the fence that closed the area in, sliding into the grass as soon as I found the corner. _I shouldn't be here._ I thought. _I need to find James. He wants to---_

"Dave?" I heard someone say, and relaxed a bit when I saw it was only Tom. He made his way over and sat next to me, and I instinctively flinched away. "Hey man, you okay? Why are you over here by yourself?"

"I'm just...not in the mood for this tonight." I muttered, staring at the ground. It wasn't completely a lie, but most of the things I said were like that.

"James has been looking for you." he told me and I shrugged. "What, are you avoiding him or something? You guys fighting again?"

"No...it's just..." I began, my words trailing off as I noticed James coming towards me. He seemed to always know where I was, somehow.

"Tom, can I talk to Dave for a bit?" he asked, and Tom nodded, standing up and leaving James and me in silence.

"We'll go to the venue." James added, and I sighed, standing up to walk beside him as he led me through the courtyard. Metal music and cackling drunks sounded all around, and I looked about nervously, not wanting any of my bandmates to see me with James.

Once we reached the venue, a simple building some other band had taken over, James led me to the greenroom, where he sat on the couch and motioned for me to come over. Hesitantly, I moved to sit beside him, and he smiled at my change in attitude.

"Alright, I'm here." I muttered. "What is it that you want to talk about so much?"

"Just why you've been acting so differently, especially around me." he put in.

"People change." I pointed out. "You changed, I changed."

"But...nowadays, you're so..." he began, trying to find the right words. "I don't know, so...secretive, I guess. You've been really nervous around me, you haven't said anything about your band, you keep showing up with bruises and cuts on your face, and you're just not telling me anything. What is going on?"

_Tell him!_ my mind was screaming. _Tell him and it'll all be over! Don't you want it to end?_

"Okay." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "It's...ah...well, it started with---"

"Dave!" I heard someone call, and I couldn't stop the look of terror that came across my face as Shawn opened the door, a fake look of panic written on his face. "We just got a call, something about a sick relative...and..."

"I gotta go." I told James, but I knew that Shawn's words were untrue. He had discovered me talking to James, about to tell him what has been going on.

"But..." James started, but Shawn had already grabbed my wrist and pulled me away, leaving James alone in the greenroom, and me terrified of what Shawn would do when we were alone.


	5. Chapter Five

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" Shawn screamed, savagely slamming me against the wall when we had arrived in another room. I stayed silent, as I knew I deserved whatever he would do to me. I was talking to James and he had caught me. I was about to tell James the truth.

"You were gonna tell him, weren't you?!" he seethed, throwing me down against a table. I winced as my head hit the edge with a sickening crack, but I tried to hide it, as showing weakness would only fuel the fire.

"I-I was---" I began, but Shawn stopped me, grabbing me by the throat and shoving me against the wall again.

"You were going to fucking tell him and everything would be fucking over!" he hollered. "Is that what you wanted?! If you had told him and ended this, you'd have nowhere to go! No one else would take in your sorry ass, that's for sure!"

"Sh-Shawn..." I whispered, weakly attempting to push his hand away, but his grip only tightened. I felt a sharp pain in my side, and looked down to see that he had driven his knife into my side, and I gave him a desperate look as he threw it to the floor, blood quickly soaking my shirt.

"You just fuck everything up, don't you?!" he yelled, his eyes holding only pure hatred and fury. This was not the same Shawn I had known in the beginning; he was a completely different person, and the old Shawn was seemingly dead.

For the first time in years, I felt fear rush through me as I realized that he could kill me right now. My vision was growing darker as Shawn refused to release me, and I vaguely felt my arms fall to my sides as my eyes rolled back and---

"What the fuck?!" I heard someone scream, and a moment later, I was on the ground, gasping for air and coughing. I looked up, only to see James holding Shawn against the wall, rage written on the former's face as he hit the latter over and over. I grabbed my side, drawing back my hand to see it covered in blood. 

"Dave!" James shouted, rushing to my side as soon as Shawn was unconscious. I looked up, seeing the blurry outline of his concerned face, and weakly reached toward him as my world began to turn black.

"J-James...." I choked, and the last thing I saw was him sweeping me into his arms and running for help before everything finally ceased to exist.

xxxxx

When I awoke next, I was lying across a soft surface, and I opened my eyes only to stare at the ceiling. A quick glance over the area told me I was in a bus, and noticing James sleeping on an opposite couch confirmed where I was.

I slowly sat up, watching James and not wanting to wake him. I pulled my phone from my pocket, quickly turning on my front camera to see the damage. Bruises in the shape of fingers snaked around my neck, and a large bandage was wrapped around my head. Lifting up my shirt, I noticed a bandage on my side as well.

"Dave." I heard James say, and instinctively flinched away when he placed a hand on my shoulder.

However, as soon as I looked up at him, all the walls I had been keeping up for over ten years suddenly crumbled to dust. Tears streamed down my face as I sobbed into my hands, and James was immediately by my side, taking me into his arms. I buried my face in his chest as he whispered words of comfort, but I barely heard them. All that mattered was that he was here for me now, when I was finally breaking down after so long.

"Dave..." James whispered when I had calmed down. I looked up at him and he gently brushed the tears from my face. "Talk to me."

"Okay." I sighed, running a hand through my hair and preparing my speech, even though he knew basically everything already. "Well...what do I need to tell you that you don't already know?"

"How long has this been going on?" he asked.

"A long time." I admitted.

"And...how did it start?" he put in.

"Well, they've always been kind of...possessive, I guess." I explained. "Every time I collaborated with another band, they would get really mad and jealous. Well, not David at first, but mostly Shawn and Chris. So...that day when I did that song with you guys, well...that was the huge fight that started it all. We were all screaming at each other, and then Shawn...I guess he just lost it."

"What did the others do?" he questioned.

"First they defended me." I continued. "Also, Shawn wasn't like that for a long time after. He actually went to an anger management class and didn't even wanna be in the same room with me for weeks, he was so afraid of snapping. Then, one day, we were fighting again, he snapped, but he didn't care this time. And....I guess over the years it just kind of escalated to all of them abusing me."

"So all those times I saw you..." 

"I've been lying." I concluded. "Every time I said an injury was caused by me, it was them."

He was silent for a few moments, and I sighed, staring at the floor. I felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, since I had told him everything and no longer felt like I needed to hide. He set a hand on my shoulder again, but this time, I didn't flinch away.

"....Dave, why didn't you tell me?" he inquired.

"If they had found out I was talking to you..." I began, and he nodded, not needing me to continue. "What happened to them, by the way? When you found out last night?"

"Well, I immediately got him taken away." James explained, rage flashing in his bright blue eyes. "Listen, I talked to all the managers and worked everything out. You're taking a break until you're completely okay, and the other members of the band aren't allowed anywhere near you. We'll get some others to fill in when you start performing again, and you can stay here."

"James, you don't have to do that..." I told him, but he shook his head.

"I know, but I want to." he stated. "You know I still care, Dave. Everything's gonna be okay in the end. They're never gonna hurt you again. Okay?"

For the first time in years, I smiled a real smile as I nodded at his proposition.

"Okay."


	6. Chapter Six

_Screams and pounding boots._

_The only thing I could hear as I basically ran for my life, away from the people I thought were my friends._

_"Get the fuck over here!" James screamed, grabbing my hair and throwing me to the ground. I winced as he savagely kicked me in the chest and the others stood over me._

_"W-why?" I asked as Kirk shoved me against the wall and backhanded me hard across the face._

_"WHY?!" James hollered, throwing me down once again. "Why are you such a fuck up?! Why do you have to fuck up everything that you fuck with?! I swear, the world would be so much better if you just fucking dropped dead!"_

_"Y-you don't mean that...." I whimpered, and James grabbed me again, slamming my head against a table as he threw me aside._

_"Should I fucking prove that?!" he yelled as he stormed over to me the other band members close behind...._

"Dave!" I heard someone shout, and my eyes flew open, only to reveal James standing over me with a concerned look.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, instinctively swinging my fist and smashing him across the face. Immediately, I realized what I had done and jumped out of my bunk, looking up at him in fear. Blood was dripping from his nose, but he seemed completely unfazed. "James! I-I didn't---I'm so sorry! I-it...y-you were..."

"Dave." he said, stopping me by putting his hands on my shoulders. "I'll be fine. I completely understand."

I nodded as he led me to the back lounge, and I sat on the couch as he momentarily stepped into the bathroom. When he returned, he was cleaned up, and his nose was only swollen slightly. I flinched as he sat next to me, and he gave me a concerned look as he placed a hand on my shoulder again.

"You were screaming." he told me, and I sighed.

"Y-you and the others...you were all beating me." I explained, and his face turned to a look of shock.

"Dave, you know none of us would ever hurt you like that." he assured, and I nodded.

"It...it was so realistic, though..." I stated, looking back at the floor. He draped an arm over my shoulders and I looked up at him. His bright blue eyes held sadness and concern.

"It wasn't though." he said. "Try to remember that we're not like them. We're nothing like them and would never want to be."

"Thanks, man." I told him honestly, the faintest smile coming to my face. My eyes landed on a guitar across the room and I turned back to James. "Maybe we can jam for a bit?"

"Now you sound like the old Dave." he put in, patting me on the back in a friendly way. I grinned as we grabbed our instruments, launching into our songs from Kill Em' All.

However, throughout our little session, my mind began to wander to better times. Times before Megadeth, when James, myself, Ron, and Lars were all Metallica. Times when we were all fri---no, _brothers_ who all had fun and knew we would make it big one day.

Which they did....without me.

"Dave?" James asked, snapping me from my thoughts. I realized I had been staring off into space, and he probably knew just what I had been thinking about.

"I...I just..." I began, my face in my hands as James set a hand on my shoulder.

"What're you thinking about?" he questioned. 

"What could have been..." I told him, my chest aching more with every word.

"...."

I looked up at him, noticing that he had stared into the distance as well. I could practically hear the gears turning in his head, hear the thoughts of the past rushing through his mind as he stayed silent for a long moment.

"I knew you'd find your own way." he commented. "I had no idea it would turn out the way it did." He gave me a sympathetic look. "Why didn't you ever tell anyone?"

"I just...I just figured I deserved it after all the things I did." I admitted, and, at last, it was the complete truth. The reason I stayed with Megadeth and the abuse that came with was because I felt as though it was payback for my fuck ups with Metallica.

"Dave, no one deserves that kind of thing." James said honestly. "Even after all the shit you said and did to us...you didn't deserve to be abused by your own bandmates."

"It wasn't always like that." I whispered. "What did I do wrong? What did I do to make them like that? Is it because of my collaboration with you guys? Is that _so wrong_?"

"You did nothing wrong." James put in. "They were in the wrong. None of that was your fault, Dave. You were lost where you didn't belong."

I felt a small smile come to my face as I let his words sink in. No one had ever said anything like that to me.

No one had ever cared like James.

"Now, come on." he began, a smirk on his face. "We have this whole album to jam to and we've only done about half."

I grinned as we launched into the next song, letting my mind run from what could have been and instead to what is now. After all, the past didn't matter when the present was better.

For now, at least.

xxxxx

THE NEXT DAY

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

My eyes averted down, only to see my Skype flashing with the notification of an incoming call. As I clicked the window to see who was calling me, my eyes widened as I realized who it was.

David.

Quickly, I looked around the room, only to see Kirk and Lars sitting and talking, not paying attention to anything other than each other, and Rob tuning his bass, also lost in his task. James was nowhere in sight, and with the others currently distracted, I decided to answer him, only to see what he could possibly have to say.

I said nothing as I clicked the "answer with video" button, instead opting to let David begin the conversation. He seemed surprised to see me, as he must have thought I wanted nothing to do with him.

Understandable.

"...Dave?" he asked after several seconds. I nodded, wondering what he wanted. Probably to apologize and say he'd never do it again, as he always used to before he just didn't bother anymore.

"I know what you're going to say, and I don't want to hear it." I told him, though my voice was shaking a bit. I had never even thought to stand up to him, and I saw why as soon as he shot me a glare.

"You don't." he put in, as calmly as he could. "I just want you to hear me out."

"You want to explain why you abused me for years?" I snapped, surprised at how strong I was being. The fact that he was on the computer and not in front of me may have contributed to that, however.

"It wasn't me at first." he pointed out and I nodded. David had been the last to start acting violently against me, and had done the least amount of damage over the years.

"Then why did you start?" I questioned. "You always stood up for me when the others would hit me, but then one day just betrayed me. Why did you change, David?"

"I just couldn't take it anymore." he explained, regret flashing across his face for a brief second. "One day...I guess I just....snapped."

I looked to the floor, sighing as memories assaulted my mind once more.

_"You just fuck up everything, don't you?!" David shouted, smacking me across the face and sending me crashing to the floor._

_-_

_"I just can't take your shit anymore!!" David hollered, shoving me to the ground and kicking me hard in the side._

_-_

_"This band would be so much better off without your constant failure!" David screamed, grabbing me by the throat and roughly throwing me backwards down the stairs._

-

"Why did you call?" I asked, my voice breaking slightly.

"I just...." he began, and I could tell that he was struggling to find the right words. "I wanted to explain myself."

"There's nothing to explain." I stated, and at that, ended the call. 

I cast a quick glance around the now silent bus, noticing that everyone was now staring at me. Closing my laptop, I quickly made my way to the back lounge, sighing as I flopped onto the couch with my hands over my eyes.

Memories of both good and bad times flashed through my mind as I laid there, and I barely noticed James come in and sit beside me. I looked up at him and he gave me a small smile.

"So...David called." he began and I nodded. "What did he want?"

"He just wanted to explain himself." I explained. 

"Did you let him?" he asked.

"There was nothing to explain." I told him, and he nodded. I leaned back, closing my eyes and letting my mind wander back to better times.

"I'll see you later, Dave." James said, and I smiled slightly, feeling sleep begin to pull me down.

However, I could have sworn I felt lips rest on my forehead for a brief moment before James was gone from the back lounge, and I was gone from the waking world.


	7. Chapter Seven

_I sighed, resting my head on the balcony as I stared off into the night. This is what always happened at parties: it would start out fun, everyone would get too drunk, I'd do something stupid, and come out here to sulk away from everyone else._

_Tonight was no different from any other night. After consuming much more alcohol than necessary, I had started a fight with some random dude over nothing in particular, and, like always, James had tried to stop me._

_And like always, I had shoved him away, but this time, it was a bit different._

_I had punched him in the face._

_It was the first violent thing I had ever done against any bandmate, and at the time, it didn't effect me in the slightest. I had screamed at him to go away, and stormed off to the balcony. However, thinking back on it now, the first traces of regret were beginning to pierce through my veil of rage._

_"Dave."_

_I stayed where I was, refusing to look back at him. I didn't want to see the damage I had caused, and I didn't know why he had returned when there was a possibility of more._

_"Dave, talk to me."_

_I turned around this time, looking over James with mixed emotions. He didn't look like I had done that much to him, as his cheek that I had punched was only slightly red. I sighed again, taking a long drink from the bottle I was holding before setting it down, motioning for him to stand beside me._

_"Look, man, I---" I began, but he stopped me._

_"I get it." he stated. "You always do this. You need to stop doing this."_

_"I know." I muttered._

_"What's making you do this?" he asked and I rolled my eyes._

_"Tryin' to be Mr. Therapist over here?" I remarked and he smirked. He pulled up a chair and sat down, whilst I copied his motions and sighed. "Alright, Dr. Hetfield, I'll play along. The reason I'm doing this is...well, I just get pissed of by every little thing, it seems."_

_"Is there anything currently stressing you out?" he questioned._

_"I don't know...maybe this tour we're planning." I explained. "Only two weeks til' our big break, as the others have called it. So...maybe that's causing it. Or something like that."_

_For the next hour or so, we just discussed my problems, getting progressively more drunk until this whole intervention thing was forgotten, and we were just sitting there giggling like schoolgirls._

_"I gotta go....check on the...thiiiing." James said, snickering as he stood up and made his way to the door. As soon as he was on his feet, however, he stumbled a bit before falling to the ground, giggling as soon as he went down._

_"Smooth, Het." I remarked, leaning forward a bit too far and crashing to the ground as well. James and I shared a look before bursting out into giggles once more. "Oopsies."_

_"That's karma right there." he put in, and I nodded._

_We were silent for a few moments, until I noticed him staring at me with some kind of incredulous expression. "What now?"_

_"You're sexy." he said without missing a beat, and my cheeks heated up as I smirked._

_"Well, you're not so bad yourself, Jamie." I admitted, and he rolled closer to me._

_"Dave...hey, hey, Dave." he began, the biggest shit-eating grin on his face._

_"Yeeees?" I asked, sitting up and he copied my motion._

_"Does the carpet match the drapes?" he giggled as he twirled a strand of my hair around his finger, and we burst out laughing and fell to the ground._

_"Why don't you see for yourself?" I remarked in a suggestive tone, grabbing him to pull him closer._

_"Whoa, let's not go for the home run already..." he snickered._

_"First base?" I asked and he nodded._

_Not a second later, I had already grabbed him and crashed my lips to his, and he brought his hands up to pull me closer. Blaming it on the alcohol, I climbed on top of him as he ran his fingers through my hair. His hands reached down to grab my ass and I let out a soft moan. Just as I was about to take things further and slip my tongue into his mouth---_

"Dude, that is TOTALLY going on YouTube!"

My eyes shot open as I heard the distinct laughter of the Metallica guys and a few others, and I sighed as the memories of the dream continued to run around my mind. It wasn't exactly something I had been proud of; drunkenly making out with James on the balcony, but it had happened years ago and the feelings had long been buried.

"Okay, Lars, truth or dare?" I heard James ask as I made my way out of my bunk and to the bathroom. As I dressed for the day, I listened in on their game, sighing as I remembered the fun I used to have with my band.

Before we all began hating each other.

"Errr....truth." Lars said.

"Have you ever made out with Kirk?" James questioned and the rest of the guys burst out laughing. I could feel the tension and embarrassment as I made my way into the main area, recognizing Tom, Scott, and a few others from different bands. This seemed like the kind of thing these guys would do when drunk, but I didn't see any bottles, so they were just being kids like they used to.

Like we used to in the time that dream took place...

_Dammit, Dave, stop thinking about that dream!_

"Hey, look who made it!" Tom called and I flashed a small smile. "It's only, like, four PM."

Since I was still recovering, I had been taking many naps, and the stab wound on my side was pretty much healed. I had even started performing again, even if it wasn't with the Megadeth guys. I was making my way back to who I used to be before this whole brouhaha began.

True to their word, James and the others had let me stay on the Metallica bus, and made sure I would recover well. James understood what I had gone through and talked to me every day, slowly getting me to open up about what the Megadeth guys had done. He was there for me through thick and thin, and he was helping me become the crazy, fun Dave that I used to be in the beginning.

He had even convinced me to play "Never Have I Ever" with the guys from Black Sabbath the other night, which had been the most fun I'd had in a long time. I was actually smiling again.

However, today was a bit different. Today was the day after the end of the tour, which meant we'd all have to go home when we arrived back in town. Though James had already told me I could live with the band at the "Metallica House", I still needed to get my stuff, and I didn't think the guys would take well to me leaving.

This is what I had been stewing over for the entire day, and it was the reason I didn't join in the game, instead opting to chill in the back lounge.

"Hey, Dave." James began, entering the area as the bus began moving. "You alright?"

"I will be." I told him and he nodded.

"So...we'll be home soon." he pointed out.

"You guys will." I sighed, and he draped an arm over my shoulders.

"Dave, we said you could come home with us." he put in. "In fact, we want you to."

"It's just kinda weird to come back to it after so long." I explained and he nodded.

"Just know that it's okay with all of us." he assured and I smiled a bit. He patted me on the shoulder before standing and leaving the lounge, leaving me alone with my thoughts once more.

xxxxx

"Alright, you won't be long, right?" James asked. I nodded, looking out the window at the place I used to call home with hesitancy. 

"I'll just grab my stuff and then I'll be with you guys." I told him and he smiled. Sighing, I slowly opened the bus door, making my way up to the house and quietly opening the door.

I slipped inside without any trouble, and peered around the corner only to see David laid out on the couch, watching TV. He looked a bit surprised to see me, but didn't make any sort of motion to come towards me. This seemed too easy. I knew something messed up would happen soon.

Slowly making my way up the stairs, my suspicions were confirmed when I heard someone storm over, and a second later, I had been grabbed by the hair and pulled down the stairs. I winced as Chris roughly grabbed me, slamming me against the wall and slapping me hard across the face.

"You may think your fucking ex-band saved you," he began. "But---"

He didn't get a chance to finish, as James had run in and shoved him away from me, slamming him against the floor. Chris looked slightly scared as James put a foot on his chest, keeping him from attacking me again.

"You okay, Dave?" James asked and I nodded, quickly making my way upstairs, this time without any interruptions. As fast as I could, I grabbed all my clothes and belongings and stuffed them into a suitcase. I didn't have much stuff to grab, only clothes and a few guitars, which I carried out as quickly as I could. I didn't want to spend another unnecessary moment here, so, with the help of James, we immediately got all my stuff into the bus before we were on our way.

"They give you any trouble?" Lars questioned and I shrugged.

"It doesn't matter." I told him. "I'm away from them now. I'm....free."

A smile made it's way onto my face as I came to the realization. I was away from my abusive bandmates, beginning a new life with my old friends. 

I'm done with them. I'm ready for whatever is coming with these changes.

I'm free.

THE END


End file.
